I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
