just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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