i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
