Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
