Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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