how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
