So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
