i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
