ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
