6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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