I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
