Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
