Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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