i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
