So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
