Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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