Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
