So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
