God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
