i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
