you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
