Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
