No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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