She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're a waste of cheezeits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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