Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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