Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
