I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
