I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
