Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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