Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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