Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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