Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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