Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
where am i from again
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
