he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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