I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize