I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
