I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Even my vagina gasped.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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