Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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