I should be sponsored by Trojan
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dear god my vagina.
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