i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
