Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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