I cannot find my penis.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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