It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
