I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
