before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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