Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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