ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
