You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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