Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
