What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
