VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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