His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
