I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
