The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
