Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
