I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
