I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
