She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
