omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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