Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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