drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
