Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
