There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
