I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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