If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
