Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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