after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
